Am I a Monster?
by Petra-Ral-22
Summary: Okay, this is another story I posted on Quotev and I'm not posting it on here to see if anyone else likes it. Please go on my profile to see my Quotev information. Thanks
**A/N- Okay, so I found a quote on Tumblr that was meant for a prompt. So the quote is: "Maybe I am a monster. I don't think I'd know if I were one."**
 **This isn't a happy or fluffy story, sadly. I will try to write one though but this is what I had.**  
 **\- Artemis**

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What is the definition of a monster? A big hairy creature who kills? The titans could be considered monsters, but what would make a human, a monster? A man who throws his men into titan filled territories knowing the risk? But for what? Freedom outside the walls? To live normally?  
Levi sighed and leaned back in his chair, these thoughts racing through his mind. Was fighting the titans worth all the loss that had to follow with it? Was he a monster, for all the choices he made that has caused so many regrets?  
Memories flashed in front of him. That one ginger haired, young women. The one who was the light in his dark tunnel. The one who gave him hope that it would end. She was so full of life, but now there was nothing. Not a single speck of life in her. Not since the day she passed away, crushed to death.  
His tea had become bitter after she left, the thoughts of monsters came back. His nightmares grew worse without her nearby to hold him when he woke. He was a monster. He sent the girl, the young women he loved, to her death.  
The young male scowled and slammed his teacup on the table, causing a piece to chip off. Everything he has done, was with risk, and loss had taken place. There was no hope for humanity. He held onto a hope, knowing there was none. It was just a stupid thing people believed to make them feel better. And what happened because of this damn thing called hope? Petra died. And he wasn't there to stop it.  
There were days when he slipped into a deep depression about her death. He could've stopped it. She could've lived and got what she wanted. A life with him in a small house with three children. It was what she dreamed of when they talked late into the night when no one was there. Those nights were special to him. Ones he dearly missed.  
Thinking about his life her made him feel worse about her death. He truly was a monster. But right now, he didn't care. Life wasn't the same without her. His hope started to disappear anyways, but with the bright eyed, ginger haired women gone...it all left. Maybe the life of a monster wasn't so bad now,  
There was no point in living now. No hope was left for him. Everyday he didn't live, he only survived. There was nothing for him. Not another damn person cared. He was alone!  
Levi stood up and punched the wall in front of him as tears sprouted in his eyes. 'No, I can't cry. I haven't cried even with her death. I won't cry.' He kept repeating this to himself in his mind, his his throat tightened and the tears started to spill.  
A weak feeling started to seep in as well as the pain in his hand. It didn't settle well within him. Weakness wasn't something he liked. He had to be strong to give humanity hope and try to save them. 'Yet you couldn't save her.' It was that thought that made him pick up his teacup and throw it across the room, watching it shatter against the wall. The shatter was loud and he hoped no one had heard it. If someone did, they would make him talk, and talking about his problems wasn't something he was fond of.  
The young man has handled death before, so much. He watched two people he considered family, die right before his eyes...those deaths has made him who he was now. But Petra had been there for him when he slipped into these thoughts. She had been there to hold him when he woke in the middle of the night, always worrying about him till he fell asleep, somewhat, once more. But she was gone now. He always told her to stop worrying about his health, but she responded with: "I love you, so I'll continue to worry about your health." That statement always made him smile. She was a strong, caring women. One who could do things herself and always had herself under control. She held good relationships with her squad members and gave wisdom.  
What would her do with her gone?  
The answer was simple. He would do nothing but continue to survive, not live, but survive. He would continue to lead a makeshift squad and try to bring hope back into humanity. But through all of that he would feel nothing. No human emotion would happen and the young man could be considered not human. There was nothing he could feel.  
Images and memories of her flashed in his mind, slowing driving him insane. He couldn't get rid of them. For, not the first time in his life, Levi wanted to forget about her. He wanted to run away from the truth that was driving him mad. But that would be weak...and he couldn't stand being weak.  
But was it weak hiding behind a curtain of lies? Was it weak of him to hide in his office besides face the fact everyday that he killed her? There was no correct answer in his mind. There were too many different endings her had yet to explore. Yet, there was one thing for certain: Levi had to face the harsh reality that Petra, his love, was indeed dead. It was the sad truth, but the truth none the less.  
The images continued to flash in front of him, reminding the young male of his failure. The failure that left Petra dead. He remembered her father and his words. He remembered the pain they left on his heart and reopened the wound that had already scarred. This was driving him insane.  
Levi looked around the room, wanting this to end. The image of her lifeless body was there to have him repeat the day over and over. They told him of the monster he was. Why wouldn't they leave?  
Levi broke, screaming till he couldn't any longer and sank to the floor, covering his eyes. They needed to leave. They needed to stop taunting him of his monster. His demon!  
Warm arms wrapped around him and Levi sat up. It was just a dream. A comforting aroma came around him and a sweet scent filled his nose.  
"You were screaming." Petra murmured, her voice very light, almost as if it was carried by the wind.  
Levi nodded. "I know love." Screaming in his sleep was one thing he was used to. He sighed and went to hug his love only to be met by nothing and silence.  
Petra was just his imagination now. She was dead. She died on the 57th expedition.  
He was alone. And that thought now taunted him. 

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**\- I'm so sorry! I hope you guys enjoyed it. Love you guys.**  
 **\- Artemis**


End file.
